Naming one’s baby is always a challenge. But being a mixed culture, mixed language couple in Quebec presents its own special complications.
Before we got pregnant, we thought we had it all figured out. We’d picked out two names, “Sasha” and “Charlie”. Both are unisex and we particularly loved the idea of naming a boy Sasha or a girl Charlie.
Of course, now that we are actually in a position to use those names, they suddenly ring false.
I’m at 13 weeks right now, so we don’t yet know the baby’s gender. But we hope to find out at 20 weeks (and I’ll be sharing it here on the blog). “But don’t you want it to be a surprise?” some might ask. Yes I do. It’s going to be a surprise in another 7 weeks. I mean, it’s not like I have any control over the outcome. Now or in nine months– what’s the big deal?
And believe me, I’m going to be plenty glad to see the sprog emerge from my birth canal regardless of whether or not I have knowledge of its gender. I respect those who choose not to find out, but I wanna know. And so does Pat.
Plus, we’ll need all the time we can get to figure out this name thing. Read on and you’ll see why…
First, a little background:
We live in Quebec. Which means that by law, we each keep the last name we were born with. Even though Pat and I are married, I’m not allowed to take his last name. Yeah, not allowed. I can’t even pay for the privilege.
So there isn’t, strictly speaking, a “family” name in Quebec. Most mothers give their kids their husband’s or partner’s last name. Or they hyphenate.
Which brings me to our quandry.
I’m pushing for the kid to take Pat’s last name i.e. Blain.
NOTE: This surprises me. Before we got pregnant, I felt a real pride to live in a province that assigns the mother’s last name as the child’s default surname. How very progressive! As a feminist, I loved the idea that the kids could carry the mother’s last name just as easily as the father’s. And why should the mother be the only member of the family to have a different last name?
Meanwhile, Pat’s pushing for the kid to take my last name i.e. Nadkarni.
Here’s why:
- Pat is estranged from his family and doesn’t care to have the name passed on. He claims he feels closer to my family and therefore wants to propagate the Nadkarni name because, as he puts it, we Nadkarnis know how to create and maintain family.
- Since I’m the oldest of three girls and the only one living in a culture that truly gives you a choice when it comes to picking your child’s surname, Pat feels that I’m in the best position to pass on the Nadkarni name.
- It’s got rhythm. (Whatever).
We don’t want to do double-barreled because:
- No one from either culture will ever be able to spell/pronounce it correctly.
- What happens when they want to have kids of their own?
And that’s just the last name. Now we come to first names.
You’ll notice that Charlie and, perhaps to a lesser extent, Sasha are Western names. Which means they sound silly when paired with “Nadkarni”. Well, Sasha Nadkarni sounds okay, I guess. But Charlie Blain. Now there’s a name with sex appeal. A stage name. I like it! Especially if Charlie’s a girl!
Here’s a further wrinkle: whatever name we pick has to work in both French and English because that’s the environment the child will be raised in.
For some reason, everybody seems to think I’m having a girl. This is total heresay. We really won’t know for another 7 weeks. But now we’ve added a third name to the list: “Nila”.
I was pushing for “Nina”, but Pat really loved “Nila” and I must admit, I think it’s a great name. Now I think “Nila Blain” sounds gorgeous. Half-Indian, half Quebecois. Just like the kid herself. But Pat won’t hear of it. He is still stubbornly pushing for Nadkarni.
Other names I really like that Pat has vetoed: “India” for a girl and “Max” for a boy. *sigh*
So what do you think? If you’ve got kids, and especially if you grappled with the whole double-barreled thing, how did you make your decision? Help!
Here are my thoughts, being 27 weeks pregnant, and therefore having gone through this process myself (and still in it). As for last name, don’t fight for “Blain” if Pat himself doesn’t want it. I would suggest doing the hyphenation for birth certificate purposes (to keep both family lines in the official mix) but only using Nadkarni on a day-to-day basis. How would Pat feel about that?
As for first names, I think you’re over-thinking the “working in both french and english” aspect. You live in Montreal. Your kid will be surrounded by as many François, Emma, Benjamin and Marie-Eve’s as they will by Gino, Kinoko, Sifa, or Olan. Choose a name you like. A name that, when you look at your little creature-baby for the first time, that name suits them. In whatever culture, whatever place and time. They may not live in Quebec forever, but they’ll always live in their name (unless you really screw up and they change it one day!!).
You should also “test drive” the names! ie: “Nila, come here!”, “Charlie, stay away from that dog poop!”
But I’ve been told to have a few names shortlisted, in case the top contender doesn’t “suit” the little muffin when it comes out. Probably a wise idea…
You’ve got time. Mull it over. Set it aside for a while. Come back to it.
Trust your instincts.
xox
Shelley
Make a list and when you see your child’s face, one will pop out as THE name. I love Nila, and I don’t find Nadkarni is hard to pronounce at all.
Don’t do the double-barreled thing! I grew up in Quebec and everyone I know who was given a hyphenated last name eventually ended up dumping one of them.
This site is useful: http://www.rrq.gouv.qc.ca/interactif/pr2i121_prenoms/pr2i121_prenoms/pr2sprenoms.aspx
It tells you which names are “trending” in the province. So your poor child won’t end up being one of 5 “Samuels” in his class.
I would say that it doesn’t matter if the name is recognizable as long as it’s easy to spell and pronounce. So Nila is perfect, Màire (the name my cousin gave one of her daughters) is NOT.
Apparently, Bolton is very popular somewhere in South Africa.
I agree with Pat and Shelley (who I did not know was also pregnant). Congrats Shelley! I also think you should stick with Nadkarni. Sorry to be redundant but I also have a feeling it’s going to be a girl and love the sound of Nila Nadkarni. Perhaps because of the alliteration and having been born in Quebec, I admit to having a fascination with sounds that are less familiar to my ear.
When Mark and I got pregnant, I said I wanted to have both of our family names for Kahla, but I didn’t want to use a hyphen. I also wanted my family name to be last so her full name is Kahla Olsson Moreno (she also has two middle names making for a crazy long name!). I’m actually all but estranged from my father, but in spite of our distant relationship, there are many positive qualities I associate with my last name. Although I am not close with my father, I admire his refusal to give up and his ability to overcome obstacles. I wanted Kahla to grow up with stories of my father, associating the name Moreno with strength and resilience as I do. (I don’t know if this is any help with the last name question, but thought I’d throw it in:).
As for first names, Nila is just beautiful! Don’t know if this is of any help but we actually created Kahla’s name. Both Mark and I adored his father. Karl was from Sweden and the nickname for Karl in Swedish is Kalle (pronounced Kahla). We figured everyone would say her name wrong if we wrote it the Swedish way so then we started to come up with variations on spelling. I madly love Frida Kahla and admire many of her qualities. So in the end, we merged Kahla’s name and Frida’s last name to make up Kahla. As for the French/English thing, more of than not, most of my students at Vanier do not have strictly French or English names. I love having Yuliyas, Syedas, Vadims, etc. in my class. E
I’m with the others here. Don’t push for Blain. There are far too few Nadkarni in Canada. Its a funky cool name and Pat loves it and you. Now HERE is a wild a crazy thought. Name the peanut Blain!!! Blane, Blaine…whatever. It works for girls and boys and you both get your way. Blaine Nadkarni, Pulitzer Prize winner…Nobel Prize winner….Science Fair Participant…..First Time Offender…It WORKS in pretty much any sitch, eh? HAHA!!
For our kids we had a solid male and a solid female name before birth but didn’t actually come up with them until farther along than you are. There’s LOTS of time and the just right “ooh I like that!” name will come.
I’m still bummed I didn’t get to use my goirl name. If Cameron was a girl he was to be named Genieve. I LOVED this named and it was actually one that richard brought to the table. Not as common a Genevieve and sure not to be another in her classroom. I thought it was quite elegant.
Sounds nice with Nadkarni……heehee
Wow, guys. Thanks for your thoughtful and insightful comments. Looks like we might go with Nadkarni after all. As for the first name, I know I really want it to be a relatively uncommon name. Not unusual necessarily, just uncommon. I like the idea of a name with a little pizazz, a little drama, hence “India” or “Leo”. Pat and I both work in the media and it’s not entirely unlikely that our kid will want to try his or her hand at this world. I would love to pick a name that is memorable. When people hear it on the radio, they stop and listen.
I love Shelley’s suggestion that we create a list and Audrey’s that we wait for something on that list to pop. Elizabeth, I’m with you on the double barrelled thing. I figure we might use “Blain” as a middle name. That way it’s there for the record and the kid can use it if she/he wants. But they aren’t saddled with having to hyphenate. I also think your advise on pronouncability is very sound. And I’m shying away from “creative” spellings of names too.
Alison, Pat’s vetoed your “Blain Nadkarni”, although it did give us a good laugh! (First time offender?! LOL). Genieve IS quite elegant, but I wonder if folks wouldn’t just misspell or misread it as Genvieve?
Anyway, lots of excellent food for thought here. Thank you all for taking the time to write and share. The most exciting thing about this pregnancy really has been these conversations…
Hi and congratulations! I personnaly grew in the English parts of Montreal (DDO, etc..) with a French name and it was hell: none of my friends could properly pronounce “Marie-Claude”. I ended up often beeing called “Marie-Cloud” or “Marie-Clown” by kids who weren’t even trying to make of me: that’.s what they understood…As an adult, anglos still struggle, rhyming my name with “odd” instead of “ode”. I therefore picked reallly bilingual names for my girls, Kayla and Elsa.
On the subject of surname, I would also personnaly go with yours in light of your husband’s position. the fact that it’s an hommage to your family is wonderful and yes, I too love the ring of it.
As for first name,Nila, India and Leo are wonderful. I share your love and fear for Geniève: it’s beautiful but…My spouse is named Matthieu ( did you catch the double “t”?) and his name is commonly misspelled. I think you can have originality that is easily spelled. I lreally like Charlotte ( can be nicknamed Charlie) and Henrick.
Best wishes to you for this wonderful experience.
P.S. 18 years into the game, the best thing I ever got as a mother was “Efficient parenting” by Thomas Gordon. It’s a wonderful method that avoids conflict when raising kids and truly fosters self-responsability in children instead of punishing to “make them do what you want”. My girls are really high achievers (national gold medaillist, 100% score Math Ministry exam, and mutiple other prizes and top of just beeing happy!) and the best part of that is that it’s not because I’m pushing them, it’s because they push themselves. I also love the type of relationship it created with them. I know you won’t need this until your child is about 2 but in the blink of and eye, he or she will be